Does this girl do parties?
By: epluribusgeenum
Tags: bicycling, bike accidents, fixed gear, frankmusik, freakish skills, hula hoop, yakkay helmets
Category: Figuring it out, music, video
Aww yeah gay techno dance jam. Okay, so the song is kind of repetitive, but it works wonders for getting up in the morning. I will say the video makes me feel like I’m wasting my time doing anything other than practicing the hula hoop, though. And of course the girl has to be pantless. Of course. Perhaps she could be a carney? That skill just doesn’t come about in the suburbs, I’m afraid.
Speaking of practicing skills. I practiced doing a skid with a loose bike stem, a clunky-sounding headset, clipless track pedals (they were just so pretty without clips, man) ALL whilst practicing being not sober. And practicing making an ass of myself in front of my friends. I don’t think I need to practice it anymore because I pretty much won the medal. Best mention that I did clear the skid though… I just also cleared the handlebar space.
I had a concussion, a bit of amnesia, and a super swollen face on Easter. I called my parents to spread some holiday cheer and then broke the news. First question my mom asked me when I told her?
“Jao sai naew muak lot thiip, baw?” Laotian. Which means Mom’s mad. Understandable. Roughly: “Were you wearing a helmet?”
My head was already swimming, and trying to find the best way to argue in Laotian was racking my brain. Umm… C’mon, Mom. I’m young and stupid. Helmets just look plain dumb. So do seatbelts. And pants. I can’t have all that extra stupidity stacking up on my already inherent stupidity.
In all seriousness, I wear a seatbelt, and I wear pants, and I don’t think they’re stupid (except the last one, sometimes.) I don’t wear a helmet, and I do detest the look of them but I realize I’m idiotic for not wearing a helmet during such a time. Every other time I’m fine and dandy. So cue these Yakkay bike helmets:
Yakkay "Smart One": The company likes to name their products to make customers feel like geniuses for buying, therefore you're an utter igmo for not.
They say beauty is skin deep. True dat. This is the foundation for these helmets, and below you’ll see the fabric choices, but the above is pretty sexy on its own.
Choices?! I love choices!
Yay, Yakkay! Maybe I’ll pick one up while I’m in Paris for Study Abroad this summer. Add to that a brake (I have one that’s set on a quick-release– instant cool points when I need it, instant safety when I need that) and Mom will be happy and so will my skull. Just thinking about riding through the city makes me itch with excitement. Thinking about dying from bicycling does not appeal. I don’t have a deathwish. I just have a slight problem with making good choices.
And if I had half the hula-hooping skills that girl had, can you imagine how awesome my face-plant could have been? Bicycling while hooping, then straight through the hoop, wheeeeee! I have a new goal in life.
E Pluribus Geenum 
I used to ride with a guy in aus who always wore a helmet, he was also probably the greatest bmx’er i’ve ever ridden with in terms of style. My point is, if you are good enough, people will think you are so good that you have to wear a helmet.
I rest my case.