I think about too much in the shower

It’s dis-freakin’-maying to realise pretty harsh things about yourself sometimes. I don’t care much about what others think, unless it gets in the way of important relationships or just generally functioning in society. But I do care about the way I project myself because it’s ultimately an indicator of who I am.

There is a quotation that I like: “I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” Well, I’m made of a few good pieces here and there, but I’ve been honing in on the bad pieces. It’s so bad, but it’s important work to recognize. What I pick about other people I don’t like about myself, and I’m pretty sure every human being has done that at lesat once in their lives. You see something manifest and you’re like, Ugh! Repulsed. And then later when you’re squeezing shampoo into your hand, you let out a gurgly choke and stumble upon something. Um, crap? Sometimes, I am just like the people who do all the stupid things that I hate!

What do you do from there? You just get better. You change. I’m changing, folks, give me some time. There’s departures and arrivals happening at the Geena station all the time, but if you leave, you come back now when reconstruction’s done and everything’s bright and shiny, y’hear?

Tonight is the Feed Us a Fetus concert! I am nervous, but I can’t tell where it comes from… I think I’m nervous that I won’t thoroughly let go and enjoy myself. Which is ridiculous because I’m pretty sure I will. I gotta think of something that instantly puts me in a good mood then go from there. … something that isn’t a substance.

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