Jack of all trades

It’s weird when people point things out about you that you know you know, but you didn’t know that those people knew. …Oooor you’re not even sure that they know that they know. I could go on like this forever.

Well my roommate said something to me a few weeks ago. Something, you say. A few weeks ago, Geena, really? Yes, I know, that’s flipping crazy but this is how my mind works. I mull over the weirdest things for the longest time. But check this, I listen to “Master of None” by Beach House at LEAST once a week. Kara said out of the blue, maybe not so out of blue–I was probably listening to it– “You know, I think I can say with full confidence this is your favorite song. Or at least one of them.” I’m sure if my personal laptop still functioned and I could use iTunes, the Top 25 Most Played would attest to that. And I got into that band freshman year, and I mention that not because I am an indie prick, but because that’s how long it’s stayed with me. Partly because I love the sound and that’s how I listen to music, over and over until I get really familiar with it that I start to notice little things that may or may not be there.

I chewed on that for awhile. Still chewing. And it struck me in the middle of writing in my journal one night. “Crap. Am I a master of none?”

There are worse feelings in the world, but that realization is a pretty bitter one. The only thing I feel like I could possibly be a master at are things that have to do with visuals and with words first and foremost. With music, I think I have a good ear, but the skills I have don’t match it. When people master something, they’ve taken the time to self-educate and to develop their own style. With fashion and writing I think I have both established a good niche that I feel comfortable with and have stumbled upon new styles and artists that challenge me. With music though, I’ve been so careless with the opportunites I’ve had — either laziness, other responsibilities, lack of time, or obviously a mixture of all that plus more — that I am not at all at the place where I want to be.

So I haven’t given up. I’m at a very low point in my life because a succession of unfortunate events and my reactions to them. A) I do not easily give up and I have been doing that all over the place, so much so that I write about my day in my journal and have to ask myself, what the crap, Geena? Why did you stop? and B) have let others tell me what I can and can’t do. Or rather, I take it in, process it, and keep silent. Finally C) if I don’t break cycles (like mulling over old stuff, listening to old music all the time) I won’t be able to get to mastering anything.

Okay, whoa. Step back. Sorry, blog, you are not my journal, you are my blog. So I’ll quit while I’m ahead and say — I like being a jack of all trades, but I refuse to be a master of none. I know what I want to master and all I need to do is work on it. Being busy with so much tends to dull the sharp points, so to speak. Time is on my side, and I may be so scatter-brained sometimes that it feels like it’s not, but time’s an old friend and we’ll make it work somehow.

Here is a video a Beach House fan made for the Master of None. The original, official video is stylisticly pleasing and I think it may say something, substance-wise and in reference to the song, but who knows. I like the feel of this one alot because it’s a freeze-framed party in motion, so you get to survey this array of partier’s faces. Little snapshots of awkwardness, then some moments of pure revelry and just wallowing in the moment. After 1 minute though it gets a little stupidly trippy though for no reason. So now I can put this song to rest lovingly. And next time I hear it I will be subject to old feelings but will have new ones.

Enjoy.

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