Here is another list

I am good at tallying up lists.  I do it all the time.  They appear on random slips of paper found in my backpack, or embedded in my notes, sometimes strewn across my desk, or simply, very often, on my hand (which is the least fruitful way to remember anything, especially if you’re OCD like I am and wash your hands all the time).  Whether or not things get the check mark beside them is another story.

This one catalogues many things I suck at, am completely aware of, and wish I could am going to work on:

  • quick improvisation on the keys
  • managing my study time
  • scales on the ukulele
  • not taking things personally
  • making deals
  • being precise
  • consistency (in certain circumstances)
  • backwards circles

Now with every negative there must be a positive.  I am all about balance.  It’s apparent in almost everything I do.  And in debate I learned that it’s beneficial to sandwich the bad with some good.  Here are things, in close comparison, that I believe I am good at and will help me in my endeavors:

  • I am monster fast at typing + I can pluck beautiful chord progressions from thin air = goal soon achieved
  • I own a clock.  My cell phone also has a clock on it.  Okay, that’s not so much a skill… but it does help, if you can imagine.
  • I practice the ukulele everyday.  It just takes time and patience.  And maybe daily finger exercises might help.
  • I enjoy being alone in most situations.  I also enjoy communicating.  Sometimes the two clash, but there’s a merry median that I can find most of the time.  And the secret to reconciling the two?  Coming to terms with the fact that I can’t control anyone’s reactions to what I do.  (and vice-versa)
  • Saying no is a pretty hard thing for me to do sometimes.  (Except for when it’s obviously important to do so, like in determining whether or not I have sex with someone or in deciding whether or not to purchase a fugly pair o’ shoes.)  Drawing from the aforementioned bullet, I’m realizing that it’s okay to say No and I have a right to, even if it offends someone.  I usually equate it with being selfish, but it really doesn’t have to be that way.
  • I am one wordy mother-father.  That’s pretty apparent.  Give me a two-page assignment and I’ll have to change the margins a tad and the font and possibly assume that going over the limit a couple lines is okay.  I think I’m fairly gifted at words, though, so self-pats galore.  I just need to be more selective (that is goooood advice in a lot of different ways).  Maybe I’ll start reading the thesaurus so I can expand my vocabulary and in an ironic move, use less words to say more.  And boy do I love moving ironically.  (And reading.  If someone is considering reading the thesaurus, that’s probably a helpful attribute to have.)
  • I am inconsistent in a considerable amount of ways.  That’s why I have this blog, a journal by my bed, and a small Moleskine in my daysack.  (That last one sounds dirty for some reason.)  It’s my way of keeping myself in check.
  • Maybe if I start to do everything backwards, I will eventually get backward circles down.  Hmmm… eating is going to be a challenge.

And if you’ve stuck around long enough to hear all that dullness, congratulations and here is a more entertaining list of things that simply do not work.  You have to wonder why anyone thought they did:

  • Ancient Egyptians thought that soaking crocodile dung in sour milk and stuffing it deep within the vagina was an effective method of birth control.  They also tried douching with wine… alcohol after sex?  Possibly good.  Alcohol inside your sex parts after sex?  Very probably not good.
  • Scene: the dawn of the industrial society.  Subject: cure-all remedies.  An American thought up a cure for tuberculosis.  The ingredients?  Raw eggs, turpentine, spoiled milk, turtle serum (what the?), and goose oil, amongst other things.  Dude just looked around his kitchen and mix stuff together.  And then went out to the forest, excreted various whatever from animals, and decided, well yeah, now that I have this stuff, I’ll put it in there, too.  And then I’ll tell people it works for tuberculosis.  I am so glad I didn’t live then (and subsequently die then).
  • An old-timey sleep-aid machine.  Just close your eyes, dude!   
  • Windows Vista.  Ohhhh, snap.

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