What’s the going price?

By: epluribusgeenum

Oct 06 2008

Category: Uncategorized

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I am scared out of my mind. 

I’m a senior in college, which means I’m living in a day that my crayon-days self couldn’t even comprehend.  Past Geena couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be alive now.  Would I wike myself?  Would I be pwetty?  Would I wespect myself?  Would I finally kickass at the monkey bars?

Now that I don’t have a speech impediment (although my problem was more lisp-based than anything) I can ask myself these questions seriously.  Some days it feels like the answer is no.  For me, the goal is to resolutely respond with a yes.  Even with a fist pump!  With a foot stomp!  And living in a town like this, a small college town rife with very set traditions, little diversity, and hard-headed thoroughbred Aggies, it’s hard to find a way to wrestle with that struggle.  In a bigger city it feels like I might have more to do, more to keep me occupied, more to peak my interests.  But then again, it’s so easy to blame my insecurity on my environment; it may be partly true, but I’ve always believed that you make your own world.  But man, if I’m not worth the thousands of dollars my parents put toward my education here, I’m afraid I’ll have to personally crawl back in my mother’s womb and sit there ashamed as ever.

So no excuses.  No laziness.  No letting fear get in the way of accomplishing anything.  It’s time to get off my ass and stop selling myself short.  I mean, I have to plan out times to work on my hobbies, or to be with my best friends! I’m busy, but hell, so is the rest of the world and if I’m a) on the internet and b) blogging about my problems, it’s fairly certain that I’m in a good place anyway.   But there’s nothing worse than wanting to set your price tag high but knowing in your heart that it could stand some fair discounting.  I’d like to start with writing, so voilà cet blog.  (Did I mention I also speak French? Alors, je le parle et je me tiens prête à améliorer ce don.)   Writing is the one thing that I not only enjoy but believe myself to be naturally good at.  And who knows?  In the future, it could very well steer me right to the job of my dreams… or to the bottom of a liquor bottle. 

Just kidding.  I can’t fit into liquor bottles.

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